Tuesday, May 1, 2012

It's the time of the month again

Hi guys, this post is just gonna be a ranting post for me. I'm currently in a state whereby everything just doesn't seem to go right for me. Partly because I'm having PMS now. Seriously, I'm just two days away from my first major paper in uni, and I don't feel prepared at all, AT ALL. Oh well, I know that I've applied to another course in another uni, so I actually don't have to study, but I really don't want my first year in uni to go to waste. I want to try to do whatever I can with my minimal ability. But, Econs is really too taxing on me. I don't seem to be able to grasp what the examiner is looking for. There's practically no model answer, nothing to memorize, and you just gotta know the concepts. Being relatively new to Econs, I'm struggling. To make things worse, our foreign lecturer actually told us that their aim in setting this paper is to let the students go into the exam hall, and think that they're in the wrong venue. Like what the heck? I'm puzzled. True enough, there's a certain standard to uphold, but come on, don't be so harsh on us. Sigh. 

Okay moving on. Studies aside, I feel emotionally unstable. I hate to admit it, but I do miss you. Alright fine, I should be moving on and all that, but easier said than done. You will never know how many times I've hidden in the toilet sobbing like a little girl, because I know everything has come to past, and you're a part of my life that's gone. It's torturous for me to want to know how you're doing now, and how you're coping with life. I used to know every single thing that happens to you everyday, and same to you, I tell you everything. But sadly, I have no specific someone to talk to or to discuss problems with now. My friend once asked me, if I thought of you when I was contemplating to change my school and course. If I didn't remember wrongly, I said "no". However, her question actually triggered my inner feelings and made me realize that oh, I actually thought of you, and to be exact, I think of you ALL THE TIME. I want to let you know of how I'm doing now, and the recent decisions that I made in my life. But I'm guessing that you might not wanna know. I don't know if you actually know that this space even exists, and if you do, will you read it? Question marks everywhere. Okay, I'm being very honest here, deep inside, I'm secretly hoping that you'll regret your decision. As much as I cry or feel sad, I hated myself for respecting your decision. But I chose to accept it, so what can I say now?

I get so upset that I have no specific people to go to the movies now. I always feel so sad and alone when I don't get to watch movies as often as before, and most of my friends have their usual clique of friends that they'll watch movies with. I know it's a minor issue, but I'm just upset that things are different. Yup, different is the word. I'm too used to the lifestyle that I had in my Poly days. They were so good that it was like a fairytale. With a stable relationship, hell lots of friends/acquaintances, lots of fun times in camps and events. And many more. But look at me now, a stable relationship had to end, all the friends/acquaintances moved on in life and we're less close now, no more camps and events to go to. I really love to bond and have long chats with people, but it's just close to impossible now. Oh well, I guess every fairytale has an ending too right? Just that mine didn't have a happily ever after in the story.

I want to make new friends, and of course not to neglect my precious old friends. There will be a new fairytale waiting for me to unveil right? Please tell me that I do, because I still believe in an ending that says:

Alright, thanks for following this post till here, I shall end it now. I feel so much better after ranting. The next post will be on something happy, I promise. 

Su Shan

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